Today, I’ve transcribed a clip published this week on the issue of sexual integrity that has started to go viral. I believe the speed with which clips like these go viral speaks to the fact that there are volumes of people out there striving and struggling in this area. (It also doesn’t hurt to have ~200k followers). Credit to the author for “putting himself out there” (in other videos, evidently, as well) in the interest of helping others.
Ruslan KD’s top 5 steps are 1-) Reveal it (don’t struggle alone); 2-) Repent (experience a change in heart); 3-) Remove the sin (eliminate sources of temptation); 4-) Replace the sin and habit with something more productive (fill the vacuum that gets created with something wholesome); and 5-) Be cautious when trying to help others (don’t compromise yourself–the more healed you are, the better you can be of service).
Check out the complete video and transcript below!
In light of the complete letdown where we see multiple people of influence, multiple people that we know love Jesus, multiple people that we know are attempting to do great things, whether they are pastors, ministers, apologists. Man, kill your sin before it kills you. Destroy your sin and wage war on your sin before it does you in. Deal with it, and get help and process it, before it’s too late, because what I don’t want any of us to go through is to live this life but then have some asterisk on our name when it’s all said and done.
Ruslan KD
For more, see Christian resources on sexual integrity.
Transcript Of How To Quit Porn For Good
Here are the 5 steps to help you conquer porn now and for good. Now the first step to getting over any addiction, but specifically with porn, is that we have to first reveal it. That is the first part in the process.
Step #1: Reveal It
Why do we have to reveal it? Because you’re ashamed, and when there’s shame, things stay hidden and secret, and when they’re hidden and secret, you don’t get the breakthrough.
James 5:16 tells us, “Therefore confess your sins to each other, and pray for each other, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”
James is laying out the reason why we reveal our sins. Look, I don’t really mess with cancel culture. But you have to admit that when people keep their stuff hidden and not exposing themselves, it really does hurt their reputation when those things that are hidden get exposed. So own your mess. Confess your sin. Tell your friends, your family, your church the issues that you’re dealing with, so that they can pray for you. And, as we know, the Scriptures say, that the prayer of a righteous man is effective and powerful.
The next thing we absolutely have to do is repent.
Step #2: Repent
Now repent is a nasty word. There’s pastors that don’t even want to use the word repent. There’s preachers that avoid the word repent like Nick Cannon avoids monogamy. And sometimes as Christians, we associate repentance with just getting saved, but the truth is we need to continue repenting, and what repenting really means is that we change our mind about our sin. It means that we were headed on one trajectory, and that we made a U-Turn, an 180 degree turn, and we’re going the opposite way.
Dr Rooney: “If I say to myself and say to my wife, ‘I’m really working on my health. I’m really working on my diet.’ And it just turns out she sees on the debit card there were 3 fast food entries from yesterday, then I have a bit of a reality check there. So know your value, speak your values, and, lastly, and equally and importantly, make sure your behavior matches what you say you’re going to do. And that what you say you’re going to do matches your underlying values.”
Because here’s the deal. What you believe about the world will determine how you behave. If you believe that you’re done with this and this is no more going to define you, then you will act accordingly.
Hey, I have a secret. Know what you got to do next? Next you got to remove the sin.
Step #3: Remove The Sin
Twice in the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus talks about, “If your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out.” Now, I’m not telling anyone to gouge their eye. That is now what we’re saying here. That is used as a hyperbolic statement to drive home a point that if you’re dealing with specific sins, remove the things that are associated with those sins.
That means that some of you need to delete Instagram off your phone. Others of you need to delete those apps on your phone that may be triggering you to fall into sin. And maybe, just maybe, you need to cut off that person that you have zero desire to be in a relationship with but you keep them around as your friend with benefits, but you know what those benefits have run dry.
Now the next thing we have to do is very important. And it’s sad, because so many people don’t get to this place. They just try and white-knuckle it. And if you don’t start doing this, it will set you back on this course, and you will stay in this habit loop of repeating the same mistakes over and over again. And that is you have to replace the sin and the habit with something more productive and beneficial towards building you up.
Step #4: Replace The Sin And Habit With Something More Productive
Now some people would stop here because they’ll say, “Ruslan, you don’t understand. You just got to preach the gospel more, man. This other part ‘replacing’—what are you talking about?” Well, let me show you a passage from Ephesians 5 that echoes this idea. “Therefore, don’t be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.”
He references multiple sins in this chapter and gives people ways of replacing them. Don’t be foolish. Know what the Lord’s will is. Don’t get drunk. Be filled with the Holy Spirit.
So if you’ve revealed your sin, repented of your sin, removed your sin and the things associated with the sin, you have to practice the law of replacement and replace those habits with new better habits that build you up and don’t tear you down.
Dr. Rooney: “ ‘We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit.’ When we want to create excellence in our life, we have to do it through a process of automaticity. Doing it automatically.” (Therapist)
For me, this was getting myself to the gym, learning about macronutrients, and getting better sleep. I was able to replace my old sin of pornography with new, healthier, more productive ways of living. You don’t have time with sexual urges when you work your face off in the gym, and you’re exhausted, and the only thing you can think about is getting to sleep.
Now steps 1-4 are the most crucial steps in this process. The last step, we have to be cautious in how we ease ourselves into it, which is the transition into being agents of reconciliation and restoration. But I have to caution you that sometimes, we might get a little too optimistic when we’ve experienced a little bit of breakthrough.
Step #5: Be Cautious When Trying To Help Others
Sometimes, you may think that you’re ready to go and serve and minister to other people dealing with the sin, without fully having worked out your own sin. But the ultimate place we want to land on is to be ministers of reconciliation.
2 Corinthians 5:17 says “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new has come, the old has gone. The new is here. All of this is from God, who reconciles us to himself through Christ, and gave us the ministry of reconciliation. That God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting people’s sins against them, and he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.”
This is particularly talking about sharing the Gospel, which is the ministry of reconciliation. However, oftentimes, when we find breakthrough in areas, we will want to go back into those same areas to help other people find breakthrough. But when you’re dealing with porn and lust, you have to tread lightly here, meaning that if you used to go to the strip club and squander your money, I don’t recommend you start going back into the strip club after you have 4 weeks of sobriety from pornography – or ever, for that matter.
Dr. Rooney: “It’s kind of akin to if you just learn to swim, are you ready to go out into the ocean and try to save someone who’s drowning? Probably not a great idea.”
Be cautious with how you transition into being a minister of reconciliation and helping other people find restauration and freedom.
Freedom is available. If it was possible for me, it can be possible for you. A lot of times, the situation with porn is really a symptom of a deeper issue that you’re not addressing. I’ve heard it discussed in regards to sometimes people struggle with confidence. Well, how do we become more confident? We become more competent in certain areas. So if you’re lacking confidence, you need to become more competent. You need to go do things. This is where the law of replacement comes in.
Some of us, we deal with really serious trauma from our childhood. In my case, when I was 8 years old, I was molested, and it really scarred me and distorted my view of sexuality. I had to go get help and process that and make sense of it in order to find freedom in that area.
In light of all the stuff that’s been happening. In light of the complete letdown where we see multiple people of influence, multiple people that we know love Jesus, multiple people that we know are attempting to do great things, whether they are pastors, ministers, apologists. Man, kill your sin before it kills you. Destroy your sin and wage war on your sin before it does you in. Deal with it, and get help and process it, before it’s too late, because what I don’t want any of us to go through is to live this life but then have some asterisk on our name when it’s all said and done.
“Oh, he was a good guy, but he had these skeletons in his closet.”
I’m trying to work through my stuff, get the junk out, deal with it, not so that I can be perfect and self-righteous, but so that I can walk in freedom, and walk in the fullness of the will of God for my life.
If I can walk in freedom with as much stuff as I consume, you can, too. . .
