This guest post submission was made by a female reader of the blog under the username Cisne14 and translated into English. For the original Spanish, see 5 Calidades Un Hombre Creyente Busca En Una Mujer. You can also check out the counterpart to this article, 15 Qualities A Christian Woman Looks For In A Man. All views contained herein belong to those of the author.
When a man renews his mind by the Word of God, the things he finds attractive in women change completely. He begins to look at women differently and see them through the lens of Christ.
Maybe in the past a nice body and a beautiful face were the primary things he valued when selecting a partner.
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Proverbs 31:30
However, a woman can spell the beginning or end of your growth. As your relationship with God grows, you will learn to identify red flags. Keep in mind that we are evolving. We cannot even change ourselves by our own strength, much less other people. Christ is all in all.
The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.
Proverbs 14:1
Physical attraction and personal preferences are subjective. There are numerous stories in the Bible of men who forfeited their calling by choosing immoral women. And we know that women have great influence over men and play an essential role in family life.
Can you imagine entrusting your life and the life of your future children in the hands of a woman who can’t even manage herself?
A true Christian man looks to the future and knows that beauty will fade.
In this article, I identify guideposts and red flags that a man should keep in mind when selecting a partner, which I have distilled into 5 key attributes.
1. A woman who is secure in herself
A woman is secure in herself when the foundation of her life is the rock that is Christ, whereas insecurity brings confusion and trouble. A secure woman puts her trust in God and transmits security to the people around her.
It is God’s responsibility to console a woman and tell her she is beautiful, not a man’s.
Insecure women have not based their identity in Christ, which makes them prone to idols and anything that makes them feel loved and validated. Indeed, many times a man can become an idol in a woman’s heart. When this happens, it is a red flag and sign that this women has insecurities that she needs to bring to Jesus. If she has not done this already, she is probably not ready to enter into a relationship.
A woman deserves to know that she is beautiful. But it is not a man’s job to make her believe this.
2. A woman who is respectful
A man has an inherent desire to be respected. When he finds a woman who values and respects him, this will make him feel loved. In modern times, with feminism on the rise, the meaning of a godly woman is easily skewed. If a woman rejects her God-given, Biblical role, that is a red flag.
A woman should help a man lead with humility. She is confident in his leadership and the roles through which God leads and guides. A woman who submits to God can submit to a man, as God awakens in her a desire to encourage him to lead well while treating her rightly.
To honor the design of God is an act of courage in modern times.
3. A woman who expresses herself modestly
A woman who knows her value and is mindful of other people is careful about how she presents herself to others. Her desire isn’t to be lusted after but admired for the beauty of her heart.
Men are responsible for themselves and will decide whether to lust after a woman or not. A woman’s clothing is never an excuse to give free reign to the desires of the flesh. However, a man who goes out with a seductive woman will experience a lot of tension and difficulty controlling his impulses, which can stunt the growth of the relationship.
In sum, a woman who is conscious of her immeasurable value in Christ doesn’t need to express her beauty with seductive clothing. Rather, she does so with the light of Jesus in her life.
Modesty is a posture of the heart paired with action. When the heart is in the right place, there is grace for unintentional mistakes.
4. A stable character
Women can be emotional and sensitive by the design of God. However, when a woman is unpredictable and temperamental, changing her behavior from one day to the next, or going from happiness to sadness and back to sadness within moments, this is a sign of an emotional disorder. God is a God of order who wants our lives to be characterized by peace.
Bear in mind that being emotionally consistent in word and deed goes hand-in-hand with spiritual health and the success of a family.
It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.
Proverbs 21:19
5. A woman with a genuine relationship with God
A woman with a genuine relationship with Christ has learned what it means to be a godly woman, a godly spouse, and how to live that calling. We reflect what it is in our hearts, “for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). Many times we will act in accordance with our hearts. When the heart of a woman is not ruled by Jesus, it will reflect all of the problem points mentioned above.
The human heart is designed to be filled by someone who cannot go without notice: Jesus.
Lastly, to find more characteristics of a godly woman you can consult Proverbs 31 of the Bible. We will never find a perfect person, but we know that there are people who seek God with every cell of their beings and are willing to cooperate in love and learn from mistakes. Pray and be intentional about finding a woman you love, remembering that God fulfills the desires of our hearts.
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)
