Today I’ve transcribed a powerful testimony of freedom from pornography addiction from a guy named Manny who publishes under the YouTube channel “Team Vulnerable.” Manny’s story begins in grade school, where he suffered bullying and was diagnosed with dyslexia and ADD. Despite having an overall good childhood, Manny developed low self-esteem as a result of these early experiences.
At age 17, soon after being gifted an iPhone from his father, Manny started watching porn. While the porn he was watching was “vanilla” at first, it progressed to more extreme content in the following years. Manny developed ED, which exacerbated his self-esteem issues. Fortunately, he met an amazing woman named Becca, whom he married, but his porn, sexual, and emotional issues did not go away on their own. In his testimony, Manny recounts the defining moment of his life where he decided to be vulnerable with his wife and get help instead of continuing down a road that “was going to lead to death.”
Check out the complete video and transcript below, as well as his YouTube channel, Team Vulnerable, for more resources!
And I remember storming out of the room. I sat down, and I said, “Manny, you got two choices. You can keep going down this road which is going to lead to death, or you can have a moment, a moment of vulnerability that could change everything. And tell her that you need help.”
Team Vulnerable
For more, see the complete archive of testimonies of freedom from pornography.
Transcript of How I Overcame My Porn Addiction
Alright, so what I want to do now is I want to share my story of where I was and how I got to where I am today. And for me my story starts a really long time ago. In fact, it’s about first grade. I remember I was at school, I was getting bullied all the time, and I was just doing terrible at school. I was actually held back in first grade, and my parents were seeing that I was just doing terrible, and they said, “Something is wrong with this kid.”
And so they took me to the doctor’s, and they ran all these tests on me. And so when all the tests came back and said, “Well, he’s got dyslexia. He’s got short-term memory. He’s got ADD.” He’s pretty much clinically what we call an “idiot.” And so my parents said, “Okay, we got to do something.”
And so I started taking every medication that was on the market, right? Not all at once, but different medications. If you’ve heard of it, I’ve probably tried it. And that really really hurt my self-esteem as a child, saying “What’s wrong with this kid? He’s got all these problems, being held back.” And that’s really where the problem started. That low self-esteem for me.
But, as a child, I lived a great life. I had friends and played basketball and had all these great things. But when I was 17, that’s kind of when things really started going downhill. See, I was in high school. I got handed the iPhone. And that to a 17 year-old, I mean, my dad asked me, “Can I trust you with this phone?”
And I’m like “Yeah, sure, you can, you know. Give me the phone, quick.”
I started looking at porn right away. And, at the time, it was very vanilla porn. It was nothing crazy, nothing wild. And I felt like I kind of had it under control. But after I graduated high school, that’s when it started going downhill really bad. I was going to a community college, and my parents said “Hey, if you’re going to live in this house, you have to college, you have to get a job.” So I got a job at Jamba Juice and I was living in my parents’ basement. And I was really really at a low point in my life.
In fact, at one point I was flunking out of school, and I had a couple of girls that I kind of had a relationship with. And when things would get hot and heavy, I couldn’t get going. And it was incredibly embarrassing. At about 18, 19 years old, I was already experiencing severe ED. And it was a real problem. And it was incredibly embarrassing, and that was an incredibly hard thing on the self-esteem.
And I remember my lowest point. I remember I was flunking out of school, I was going home, I was driving, I pull into a parking lot, and I look up and I see this tall building in front of me. And I’m considering jumping. And that was a really really tough time.
Now, luckily, I was able to turn a lot of things around in my life on the financial side, on the business side. And in my relationship – I was able to meet the absolute most incredible woman I’ve ever met –Becca. However, my problems didn’t stop when I met her or I started making a lot of money.
See, when Becca and I got married, on our wedding night I couldn’t get it up. The night before, I looked at porn. And the day before that, I looked at porn. And the day before that, I looked at porn. And by the way, I know how I talked about how it was vanilla back then. It wasn’t vanilla anymore. It was getting pretty extreme. And although it wasn’t illegal, I think a lot of people can make a case it probably should be illegal – what I was watching.
Now I remember telling her that I had a porn addiction after I couldn’t have sex on our wedding night. She took that news as best as she could, but those next few years were extremely tough. And that was a really really hard time for us. I was having mood swings, paranoia, anger issues, all of the above. And I was a nightmare to live with.
And it all came to a head during Covid when, you know, I was having a bottle and a half of wine a night, a couple of weed gummies, and I was going to jerk off. And then there was this one night when Becca says “Hey, I want to have sex.” I’m like “Ugh, I don’t get to jerk off.” That’s how screwed up my mind was.
I said, “Fine.” We go to the bedroom. We start kissing. Trying to get things going, and it’s not working. I’m trying to get things going, and it’s not working. And eventually I just get so upset with myself, but I yell at Becca. And I say “Becca, you’re the problem. You’re the reason why I can’t go on. You’re this. You’re that.” And I’m just screaming. She’s crying. And it was one of the lowest points of my life.
And I remember storming out of the room. I sat down, and I said, “Manny, you got two choices. You can keep going down this road which is going to lead to death, or you can have a moment, a moment of vulnerability that could change everything. And tell her that you need help.”
So I walked back in that room, and I said, “Becca, I have a serious problem. And I need help. I can’t stop this on my own. I need help.” And in that moment of vulnerability, I was able to start turning things around.
See Becca, who I thought was going to scream at me and yell at me and this at that, she said, “Manny, I’m here for you. I love you. What can I do?” And we started working on making progress.
See, when we started, we didn’t do all the thing right. In fact, we did a bunch of things wrong, and I’m so glad that you don’t have to experience the mistakes that we made. But I’m telling you what, you’ve done the hardest part. That moment of vulnerability, that moment of strength. Now all you got to do is you got to keep moving forward.
And I’m so excited for you to have that joy, the intimacy, the happiness, the connection that Becca and I have. And I know the potential inside of you can go out there and change this world for the better.
