The most important conversation about porn you will ever have is with yourself. The second most important conversation about porn you will ever have is with others. If you have a child with internet access whose development and sexual integrity you care about, then proactive is the only way to be. Don’t wait until the dragon is breathing fire to take action; slay it in its infancy. Conversations with friends, family, and acquaintances can raise awareness where necessary, prevent people from going down a dark path, and help people who are already struggling. My belief that knowledge in this area is power is, in fact, why I created this website.
Today, I’ve transcribed a short, practical clip on how to start a conversation about the porn problem. The author of the clip, founder of Porn Free Movement, makes four key points: 1) say something rather than nothing; 2) start with common ground, such as a common observation about porn’s presence in the culture; 3) share from your personal experience and 4) share data and facts about porn.
What, if any, strategy do you use to get the conversation going?
Check out the video and transcript below!
For more, see the complete archive of articles on integrity.
Transcript:
How do you have a conversation with others about the porn problem?
Well, the first I would say is say anything. Something is usually better than saying nothing. Many people get analysis paralysis. They’re like, “Oh, what will I say? What if I say the wrong thing?” But can I encourage you to just say anything.
The second thing I would say is start with common ground. We’ve all seen pornography. We’ve all been impacted by it in some way, and that’s some common ground that you can use in a conversation to make the conversation flow easily.
For me, just this week I was searching for a car stereo on eBay and Amazon, and when I was searching, in the top listing, the majority of them used naked images of females to sell car stereos. I think that’s interesting. In some ways I was shocked and disgusted. I don’t want my kids or my wife or anyone—myself—to have to go through that just to buy a car stereo. To have to face that temptation or be impacted by pornography when we weren’t choosing it.
Personal sharing is another way that we can speak to others. For instance, lately a few people have talked to me about how they’ve seen kids congregating in playgrounds and parks looking at pornography. Years ago, they used to sneak off with cigarettes or to have a drink or something like that, now they’re using pornography. This shocks people. It shocks people that kids are getting addicted to pornography at such a young age, and it can sometimes shock parents into realizing that, “Hey. My kids might be doing something that I don’t want them to do with their devices.”
Personal sharing about self is another way that you can share in a way that impacts others. For me, I know there’s things I’ve seen in pornography that I find hard to get out of my mind, that have impacted me and my sexual intimacy with my wife. Sharing that sort of stuff can again broach this topic in a way that can’t be questioned by others. Sharing perhaps about your first exposure to porn, and how that impacted you, or changed your perceptions of self, or of sex, can be a really powerful way to explain and demonstrate how porn is harmful.
Lastly, I would suggest talk about facts. There are lots of really interesting and mind-boggling facts when it comes to pornography. The sheer volume of porn shocks people. The fact that Amazon is the world’s biggest online retailer, and every day they have approximately 70 million visitors, and that that’s less than the number of daily visitors to Porn Hub shocks people. That stat enables people to see that we have a problem. The world has a problem.
Speaking about the harms of porn is another way you can broach this topic. There’s facts there that you can share that can enable people to become more enlightened regarding the porn problem. That porn is being associated with violence against others. That it affects people’s ability to function sexually. That it affects people’s attraction to their sexual partners. These are the sort of facts, this is the sort of research, that can actually impact another person and help them to understand why porn is actually a problem.
So there you go, keep it simple, and remember start with common ground. Share personally, and share some facts.
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