What To Do After A Relapse (NoFap/Porn Recovery)

Relapse is more often that not a question of when, not if, especially during the early stages of porn recovery/porn reboot. However, how we respond in moments of weakness and moral failure is critical. A lot of people self-deprecate with thoughts like “Woe is me,” “I’m a terrible person,” “How can God forgive me?” “How can I forgive myself?” This is a weak-minded mindset, and only serves to increase the shame and stress that likely contributed to relapse in the first place.

On the other hand, when we study our relapses, we gain valuable knowledge that can keep us from going back in the future. I’m talking about insight into our habits, emotions, unresolved issues, and environment. In other words, there’s a story behind every relapse. People who aren’t a slave to pornography know that by mastering that story, they can cancel the sequel in advance. While a relapse may be disappointing, it doesn’t have to be devastating. In fact, it can be an opportunity to come back smarter and stronger.

Today, I’ve transcribed an insightful YouTube short by Josh Hudson, the founder of Pinnacle Of Man. In the clip, Hudson gives a simple, but powerful, answer to the question “What do I do?” after relapsing during NoFap/Porn Recovery/Porn Reboot (clip: porn relapse). Hudson begins with what NOT to do, and that is give into feelings of shame. Shame, Hudson argues, leads to isolation, which increases stress and feeds a vicious feedback loop of relapse –> shame –> isolation –> stress –> relapse.

Instead, Hudson advises that we practice Ho’oponopono [HO-oh-Po-no-Po-no]. Ho’oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian practice of forgiveness, which roughly means “to cause things to move back in balance” or “to make things right” (source). It consists of a short series of affirmations aimed at reconciliation.

As it turns out, responding to relapse in a mature, empathetic manner, instead of self-deprecating like a child, can help get us back on track and reduce the probability that we fall short again in the future.

What To Do After Relapsing During NoFap/Porn Recovery/Porn Reboot

If you just relapsed, listen up. Stop feeling shameful. It makes you want to do one thing: isolate. Studies show that when you isolate, you become extremely stressed out. That stress builds and builds and builds and makes you want to do one thing again, go relapse. Relapse, shame, isolation, stress, relapse, all the way to your inevitable hell.

Instead, practice this. Do the Ho’oponopono exercise. Say “I’m sorry.” “Please forgive me.” “Thank you.”  “I love you,” over and over again. Break the cycle.