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The Fear Of Remaining Unmarried (Mother Silouana)

The relationship between love and change.

Changing ourselves is possible with the right intention, hard work, and consistency. Changing others is a far less reliable proposition. Today, I want to share a short video and transcript in which Mother Silouana humorously addresses, in the context of relationships, the common human tendency to try to change others.

True love, according to Mother Silouana, isn’t about trying to get others to change for us; it’s about looking in the mirror and giving our best effort to change for them.

Indeed, others can be a great motivation to change. The fact is there are some things we will do for others that we won’t do for ourselves. And purpose, or a why behind what we do that is bigger than ourselves, can supply us with a deep-seated drive to keep going when we otherwise would be tempted to give up.

If you like this video, check out True Love Explained (Abraham Twerski). For more, see the complete archive of articles on integrity.


For a girl that is emotionally addicted… that means she is addicted to the fear of remaining unmarried… This is also an emotional addiction.

We were told so much that we are not human if we do not marry, and that it’s not good to stay unmarried and we must marry, so that she says, “This one is a clumsy guy, but there’s nothing I can do, I can’t find a better one, I will take this one”.

And this is the first part of stupidity, the second part is even more serious, when she says: “I will change him the way I want!”

Not to mention that he also thinks the same way: “I will make a great person out of her!”.

So, these are all realities of our sick love and are, in fact, true love upside down.

In a true, healthy love, I am called to say, “I will change myself. How bad I react when he does that… Lord, help me to change myself! Change me, Lord!”

The only change we can make is in ourselves and we should focus on our change. This is the healthy way.

An intellectually curious millennial passionate about seeing people make healthy, informed choices about the moral direction of their lives. When I’m not reading or writing, I enjoy hiking, web-making, learning foreign languages, and watching live sports. Alumnus of Georgetown University (B.S.) and The Ohio State University (M.A.).

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